British Airways: Great Airline To Get Shitfaced On

Posted by:     Tags:      Posted date:  May 11, 2011  |  24 Comments
Insert Drawing :)

You know those annoying people who sit next to you in planes and want to chat as if you’re long lost mates? I like to be that annoying person. Well, usually.

This time I wanted to sleep. I’d been up since 5:30 am because we had to jump through various hoops in order to disembark. Well not real hoops. That would have been quite fun and I wouldn’t have complained at all.

We were taken to the airport early where I paid $4 for a trolley, so I could wheel my 2 suitcases and 2 backpacks around. It’s such a cash grab and you only get a 25 cent refund when you return it. So after I was done, I found an old couple and offered it to them instead. At first they looked scared of me but that could have just been because I ran up to them and said excitedly “Do you want a free trolley?!!!” You’d think that I had just invented the trolley.

At the airport, I surfed the net for hours. After many months on the ship with painfully slow and expensive internet, it felt like I was in the future. (The ship internet is so expensive that even Facebook pokes cost you money.)

I was due to be on the same flight as someone I knew on the ship. One of those people who you only say hi to when you’re sober but when you’re drunk you dance with and hug. Yeah, we were tight. So anyway, I said “hey we can sit together”. I got a blank look back. “Okay, we don’t have to” I added. Ship people can be weird. Or maybe that’s just French people.

Anyway, I was finally on the plane at 6:30 pm and was fast asleep by 6:35 pm. Shortly after take off, I was woken up and cheerfully offered some wine. Fuck, I love British Airways. After years of taking cheap flights, I had forgotten that airlines gave you free smiles, let alone alcohol. Whatever these British Airways people were on, they need to give some of it to the Ryanair people.

I drank a couple of small bottles of wine, fell asleep, woke up for dinner, ordered more wine, fell asleep, woke up and ordered more wine, fell asleep, woke up for breakfast, then slept some more. It’s almost like being a baby again, except that wine was my breast milk and I didn’t shit myself (although I was worried for a moment that I would wet myself, when I couldn’t wake up the lady next to me, so I could go to the toilet).

This is definitely my favorite way to fly ie. drunk.

The food was great too. For dinner there was curried chicken with rice, salad and cheesecake. And breakfast consisted of a muffin, oatmeal cookie and yoghurt drink. If I had a camera, I would have taken an in flight meal photo for Hejorama. Anyway, it was much better than the crap I’ve had on American Airlines, United, Quantas or KLM. KLM’s food is so disgusting, we were once served plain pasta with a bit of ketchup. The guy sitting next to me actually threw up his meal.

I arrived in London 9 hours later, at noon local time. London looks the same as always, gray skies, muggy, people staring at their feet in fear that a stranger will make eye contact and try to start a conversation.

I love hearing the British accent, it sounds like English spoken by clever people. British service however is notoriously lacking. Oh well. At least I managed to drag my things across London, but every second remembering why I hate having so much stuff. This is everything I own in the world, and it’s still too much stuff. Like, why do I have a comic collection with me? Why a massive sleeping bag? Why do I have the decapitated head of a Buddhist statue? I need to get rid of those things. I still have less stuff than 6 months ago, primarily because some things have worn out and other things have just been lost or stolen. I tend to lose things easily. And I’ve just realized I’ve lost my toothpaste. Fuck.

Do you have any airline stories to share?

About Me

I'm a wanderer, couchsurfer, writer, illustrator, uncoordinated dancer, unwitting minimalist, party enthusiast, free hugger and now a crewman. Follow me @roymarvelous .................................................................................................................... Also, find out how to work on cruise ships. Or check out the new T-shirt & Card store.

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24 Comments for British Airways: Great Airline To Get Shitfaced On


I got bumped to first class once on a 6 hour BA flight from Athens to London. It was so nice. I ate my whole meal. They gave me a hot cloth! I thought they only did that in the movies.
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    I want a hot cloth!! How did you get bumped?


I just found your site, and I must say I enjoyed reading the post very much! I was multi-tasking when I first read the post; with music and a video turned on, and updating my own blogs, but I stopped all that so that I could focus and get a good read:D
I chuckled a little, then giggled then I laughed as I read all the way! ๐Ÿ™‚
It's amusing, how you turned a story of a long flight (which is usually boring) into such an entertaining story filled with thoughts and humor. Maybe you didn't intend it that way, but it made all the more natural:) I am bookmarking your site for further reads:)
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    Thanks for reading Christy ๐Ÿ™‚

Zlatka Palkovicova

They re nice, though their description of light meal on short distance is really funny – in fact its the cookie… Sometimes there is choice of cookie or chips. Or just chips. Wow… But overall they re nice, just often late…


    That's a light meal? What's a snack then?!


I have to ask, did you get to London with a hang over? ๐Ÿ™‚
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I took a flight from London to Toronto on BA and drank SO much that when I arrived in Toronto it was 10am and I was trashed – not so much fun for the person picking me up.
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    Hehe, I think it'd be hilarious I were picking them up. But then again, I find silly things funny…


Oh, God, I HATE being drunk on a airplane. Absolutely hate it. Tipsy? Awesome. Dunk? F**k no.
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    I guess there are levels of drunk. I once got REALLY wasted and almost ended up in the toilet with another passenger. But that's a story for another day ๐Ÿ˜‰


I would bring you the comics but I won't have space on my Ryanair flight :


love this site! found you on NVR.
my airline story is i was traveling to bolivia to escort a group of travel agents on a fam trip. taking my seat, i immediately felt my ass-cheeks get wet. i rubbed my seat, smelled my hand…VOMIT! fuck me!!!
as it was the last seat on the plane, the attendant took my jeans and washed them and gave me a towel to wear on the overnight flight. thank god for ambien and vodka!!!!!
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    Oh god how gross! You'd think they would have at least bumped you up to first class for that!


Loving this story. And welcome to the U.K.! What are your plans whilst in London? (I'm in the South-west, Bristol-Exeter area)
Worst recent flight was probably my flight a few weeks ago from Prague-Bristol. Was so ill *coughhungovercough* from many days of fun that I hallucinated all the way back to England.
Best flight was my plane ride to my first ever solo backpacking trip, from London-Quito. These were the days of the tyrannical Icelandic volcano eruptions, so we had to fly all the way over the top of Iceland for my first connection London-Atlanta. The view was amazing (flying over Greeland for three hours was spectacular, almost as good as my 10 hour flight over the whole of Siberia), I had all the free wine I could desire, and I was flying with the fabulous Delta.
Not so good was the return, where it took me 7 hours to realise I was sitting next to someone with no legs, we had turbulence for the entire journey of screaming kids, and every person surrounding me threw up.
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    Wow, those are some crazy flight stories! Flying over Greenland must have been a treat ๐Ÿ™‚


A good article, but I do suppose that there are times when a flight experience can be bad on any airline. My best flight has been South African Airways, Londaon to Johannesburg. Air France was good too, food excellent, just delayed flights both directions.


    Yeah I really like Air France's food too.


Roy, how come that a super experienced traveler, and Globe Trotter like yourself still had to carry so much luggage? Still has so many possessions? I think you need a dosage of this:
I had to start on that by necessity, and it's going pretty well… When I lost the Secret Hideout in Toronto, I had to come to Montreal with what fit in my car.. and I lived with that for 4 months, and discovered it was easier than I thought, and I felt also better than I thought i would… so I am now taking it one step further… We will see how it goes! ๐Ÿ™‚ Have fun in London! **Hugs** Maria


    Yeah, I'm trying to find the balance between having enough stuff and traveling light. Mind you, I'm traveling with everything I own in the world. So there are some things I need for work like a suit and there are other things I carry which I don't need for now like a spring & winter clothes.


If you were impressed by BA's economy, then you must fly business! I got upgraded a while ago and was no sooner in my seat (& excitedly playing with all the buttons and gadgets that don't feature in cattle class) when I was offered a glass of champagne. I had a hangover at the time – but this hair of the dog got me across the Atlantic!
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    Roy Marvelous

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