You know those annoying people who sit next to you in planes and want to chat as if you’re long lost mates? I like to be that annoying person. Well, usually.
This time I wanted to sleep. I’d been up since 5:30 am because we had to jump through various hoops in order to disembark. Well not real hoops. That would have been quite fun and I wouldn’t have complained at all.
We were taken to the airport early where I paid $4 for a trolley, so I could wheel my 2 suitcases and 2 backpacks around. It’s such a cash grab and you only get a 25 cent refund when you return it. So after I was done, I found an old couple and offered it to them instead. At first they looked scared of me but that could have just been because I ran up to them and said excitedly “Do you want a free trolley?!!!” You’d think that I had just invented the trolley.
At the airport, I surfed the net for hours. After many months on the ship with painfully slow and expensive internet, it felt like I was in the future. (The ship internet is so expensive that even Facebook pokes cost you money.)
I was due to be on the same flight as someone I knew on the ship. One of those people who you only say hi to when you’re sober but when you’re drunk you dance with and hug. Yeah, we were tight. So anyway, I said “hey we can sit together”. I got a blank look back. “Okay, we don’t have to” I added. Ship people can be weird. Or maybe that’s just French people.
Anyway, I was finally on the plane at 6:30 pm and was fast asleep by 6:35 pm. Shortly after take off, I was woken up and cheerfully offered some wine. Fuck, I love British Airways. After years of taking cheap flights, I had forgotten that airlines gave you free smiles, let alone alcohol. Whatever these British Airways people were on, they need to give some of it to the Ryanair people.
I drank a couple of small bottles of wine, fell asleep, woke up for dinner, ordered more wine, fell asleep, woke up and ordered more wine, fell asleep, woke up for breakfast, then slept some more. It’s almost like being a baby again, except that wine was my breast milk and I didn’t shit myself (although I was worried for a moment that I would wet myself, when I couldn’t wake up the lady next to me, so I could go to the toilet).
This is definitely my favorite way to fly ie. drunk.
The food was great too. For dinner there was curried chicken with rice, salad and cheesecake. And breakfast consisted of a muffin, oatmeal cookie and yoghurt drink. If I had a camera, I would have taken an in flight meal photo for Hejorama. Anyway, it was much better than the crap I’ve had on American Airlines, United, Quantas or KLM. KLM’s food is so disgusting, we were once served plain pasta with a bit of ketchup. The guy sitting next to me actually threw up his meal.
I arrived in London 9 hours later, at noon local time. London looks the same as always, gray skies, muggy, people staring at their feet in fear that a stranger will make eye contact and try to start a conversation.
I love hearing the British accent, it sounds like English spoken by clever people. British service however is notoriously lacking. Oh well. At least I managed to drag my things across London, but every second remembering why I hate having so much stuff. This is everything I own in the world, and it’s still too much stuff. Like, why do I have a comic collection with me? Why a massive sleeping bag? Why do I have the decapitated head of a Buddhist statue? I need to get rid of those things. I still have less stuff than 6 months ago, primarily because some things have worn out and other things have just been lost or stolen. I tend to lose things easily. And I’ve just realized I’ve lost my toothpaste. Fuck.
Do you have any airline stories to share?