I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. I think it has something to do with my sister telling me when I was 10 that we should make Valentine’s Day cards for each other. I found that somewhat disturbing. She probably just wanted a boyfriend. Okay, that’s even more disturbing. Anyway, my hatred for Valentine’s Day goes far beyond those childhood scars.
1. It’s A Consumer Holiday
Marketers have convinced us that we’re oblidged to spend money on chocolates, jewelery, flowers and greeting cards. How is mass-produced confectionary loaded with heart-stopping high fructose corn-syrup a declaration of love? Why do I have to be a consumer to express love? Call me old-fashioned but if I was a woman, I’d be pretty happy with a massage and a happy ending. This is possibly why I am single.
2. It’s Uninspiring
How did we all get convinced that romance = flowers + jewelery + chocolate + dinner? It’s formulaic. Is that what humans are? We buy gifts at Christmas, flowers at Valentines, chocolates at Easter? *Yawn*
3. It’s Sexist
Valentine’s Day is sexist. It’s totally female-centric. You see ads about how you should be buying flowers or jewelery or mass-produced greeting cards for your woman. But you never see any ads for guys. Guys like presents too. I thought this was supposed to be a day celebrating love, not a day to spend lots of money on women.
4. There Is No Official Day For Men.
Ok fine, Valentine’s Day can be the girl’s day. But then where’s the guy’s day? At least in Korea they have White Day on March 14th. But in the West there’s nothing for us men. Unoffically of course, March 14th is Steak & Blow Job Day. But so few people know about it that not even Wikipedia will recognize it as a holiday. (I tried to make a Wikipedia page for it a few years ago but it was taken down. Instead, I had to settle for a slightly less credible wiki.
5. It Causes Breakup
Apparently, the days right after Valentine’s Day have the highest incidence of breakups. Why? I reckon it’s because women wait to collect all their presents from Christmas and Valentine’s. Again, men get screwed because they were supposed to wait a month for their happy ending.
6. It Makes Single People Feel Inadequate
If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you are suddenly made acutely aware of the fact that it’s “Single Awareness Day”. You feel like you need to explain to people why you’re “happy to be single”. You get invited to Valentine singles parties where people seem desperate, lonely and anxious to hook up. (On ships this is ten-fold worse as the ratio of men to women is 9:1. Basically, you could be a hideous cyclops with a peg-leg and still have a date, as long as you own a vagina.)
7. It’s An Arbitrary Holiday
Valentine’s Day is such an arbitrary holiday to celebrate. It’s supposed to be a day “celebrating love and affection between intimate companions”. In that case, why not have a day “celebrating love and affection between non-intimate companions”? We could call it Compliment Day. Also why not have a day to “celebrate no-strings attached between intimate companions”? We could call it Happy Day. These are all equally valid days which should be observed.
So what are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day?
[cruisesurfer’s log sea-date: 97:10:2 | 4:48]