I finally made it to the Natural History Museum today. I had to queue for ages, though. It felt like I was in rush-hour traffic on the Tube except instead of cranky office workers, there were hyper-active kids. I’m not sure which is worse.
But it was worth it. The dinosaurs were awesome, definitely my favorite museum in London. It also made me realize a few things. One, humans have been around for only 2 million years, yet sharks have been around for 400 million years. You’d think that sharks would rule over us as our overlords by now and hunt us for sport or for delicacies like “human ear soup. Far from it. Sharks are now in danger of being wiped out by man in our lifetimes.
And I say, fuck them. They had a 398 million year head-start but they fluffed around, swimming and dilly-dallying. It’s not unlike the parable of the tortoise and the hare. Stupid dilly-dallying hare.
Two, the human race is fucked. The Earth is due for another mass extinction soon. Maybe we haven’t been screwing up the planet after all and the Earth is just doing it’s thing to “detox” itself from stupid puny humans. I guess that would be the Convenient Truth. Regardless, I’m not going to feel bad about using Starbucks paper cups anymore. I’m sure they’ll be all nicely decomposed in time for the next alpha-species on Earth or fossilized.
My money is on ants and bees inheriting the Earth. The bees would rule the skies while the ants would rule the land. And they would mostly live in harmony, except when their queens would have a bitch fight. It’ll be like Girls Gone Wild meets MMA, but with insects and bees. Intense.
But I digress. After the museum I went to go to a CouchSurfing Halloween party. I couldn’t find the place, so I asked some suits drinking in front of one pub if they knew where this particular bar was located. Instead of being helpful, one guy asked my if I was a gay cowboy for Halloween. *Sigh* this is why people in London are afraid to talk to each other. I walked off but he carried on “Seriously, why are you wearing a woman’s coat?”
He was referring to The Beast of course, my awesome red pimp jacket. I thought it was ironic that The Beast would be insulted for the very first time on Halloween weekend, of all days.
Anyway seeing that he had asked me a stupid question, I decided to return the favor, “It was a gift from your mom after I fucked her in the ass.”
I carried on. He started shouting incoherently as I walked away. I just wanted stupid directions so I could go to a stupid Halloween party. He then shouted “Yeah run away, faggot”. This was no longer amusing, so I turned around. He taunted “Come on, you wanna fight?”
I haven’t been in a fight since high school, when I beat this older kid at Street Fighter, six times in a row and then him and his mates chased me most of the way home from the video arcade. Okay I guess that’s not really a fight per se, as compared to running away. But it’s been a while, so why not.
So I started walking back towards him. I was just planning to scold him for being a very unpleasant person. However, he picked up a table and started running towards me! I stopped and stood there, watching what he was planning to do. At the very last moment, he must have realized that I wasn’t scared so he threw the table at me and ran away.
There was a table flying at me and instead of going all Matrix and ducking for cover, my left arm instinctively swiped it out of the way. Just like that. Admittedly, I was pretty surprised how easy that was. I suspect The Beast absorbed most of the impact.
I must admit that after that, I was very tempted to go rough up this guy. You know, mess his expensive suit and tie a bit. But it’s kinda counter-intuitive to the whole Free Hugs and spreading more love spirit. So I just shouted “Say hi to your mom for me”.
I finally found the CouchSurfing party. To be honest it was kinda lame. CS parties are a mixed bag, some people who attend are awesome – they travel, and they couchsurf and host. Others were probably part of the chess club at school and because of that they don’t have any friends now.
Okay I did meet a few interesting people. I think I was just not in the mood to mingle with a bunch of strangers by that stage.
Overall, I’d say the day was a success. I’ve never had a table thrown at me before and I do like trying new things.